This is a new place, a new one that is secret.
I am full of sorrow, and before i started writing this I was also full of magic, but it doesn’t matter right now.
I want to be held tonight. I want to be loved and i want to not feel like I am dying in slow motion.
I want to dream of him. Of being in his arms again. I want to feel the peace that I found for a moment there. It cannot be eternal because we clash too much. I cannot focus him properly, it burn when I have tired, but when the aperture is wide open, then it is glorious, like the sun on my skin after a cold breeze.
I am now doing this for myself. I want to feel love that can come from someone else. I might have fucked up enough that I am loosing everyone. Being responsible is hard but I won’t go back. I cannot continue with the lies and the secrets and the hurting people because I am afraid of showing them myself. I do fucked up things and I need to not do those things anymore.
I want to sleep surrounded by you. I want to feel your lips and your arms and your legs. I want to wake up because you are moving me around, and the warmth generated by our bodies is so comforting.
I need to sleep.